Mmmm, lube reviews. An opportunity to get slippery and sexy in the name of scientific testing and community service. What better way to spend an evening in alone?!
I’d been sent a handful of Wicked lubes of various types for review (thanks Patrick!) and because I’m a greedy slut with a sweet tooth, I decided to start with the ‘Cinnamon Bun’ sample
This is a water-based lube so it’s safe to use with your silicone toys; with vegan-friendly ingredients and no parabens – that’s a win right there. I’m fussy about what goes into my orifices, and although I’m a dedicated carnivore as far as food goes, I’m not comfortable with the idea of sacrificing animals for my other appetites. It does contain glycerin though, so if you’re a vulva-owner prone to UTIs then perhaps it’s best not to use it further south of the mouth.
The packaging of the sample is very attractive – shiny, black stuff with text in bold colours (easy to read without my glasses on) and a little picture that represents the flavour. It was easy to open (no fiddling about or teeth involved) and once opened, the contents didn’t immediately launch themselves out and all over my fingers. Although if they had, I’d have happily licked it all up and forgone the testing – it’s THAT YUMMY.
At first sniff – yep, definitely cinnamon. Like a breakfast pastry or that chewing gum I used to like as a teenager – sweet and spicy. I fingered the silver interior of the square sample packet, feeling like I was engaging in some kind of lesbian sex act with an fembot (which I totally would, by the way) then sucked the lube off my fingers.
This stuff is delicious. Not a trace of medicinal, hospital-supplies chemical flavour that some lubes taste of. In a blind taste test, I wouldn’t have said this was lube at all but some kind of wonderful melted cinnamon lolly. I hastily slathered some over my big chunky lube-testing dildo (the Fun Factory Tiger) and crammed as much of it into my mouth as I could. The idea being that when my gag reflex is triggered, I get to taste the lube coming the other way, just to be thorough and all that. No problem. Delicious.
But why should my mouth have all the fun?
The lube is quite watery and runny – it didn’t really coat the silicone dildo evenly so I slathered over my labia instead and spent a few minutes exploring. I honestly couldn’t tell where lube ended and me began, it mimics natural lubrication very well. Except…..maybe it was the cinnamon factor, but it felt mildly tingly for a few minutes – in a very nice way. Fine by me.
Inserting the dildo was a doddle (a dildoddle?!) – no friction, no wriggling; my cunt just nommed up that cinnamon-coated badboy like I had taste buds down there. (I don’t, but there’s a sci-fi body-modding thought for another day’s story!). Despite about half an hour of frenzied thrusting, the lube performed brilliantly and kept me wet all the way along.
Cleanup was simple – this stuff isn’t remotely sticky or tacky and it doesn’t seem to stain either. A few wipe-downs of the toys and myself, and all evidence of the scene was eliminated.
I then licked out the sample packet because a) I liked the idea of pretending to eat out a robot and b) it was just too good to waste even the last drops.
I wouldn’t use this for anal (it’s not designed for that anyway) because it is a bit thin and runny, but for pretty much anything else, this stuff is a win. You can buy a 60ml bottle for £6.95 or 120ml for £9.95 on the Latex, Leather and Lace store. Bargainous.
- Not sticky
- No parabens
- Doesn’t stain
- Nope. Can’t think of any.